Hello everybody. This is Sangeeta Parham and I'm wishing you all a very happy Valentine's Day. What is Valentine's Day? Especially it's particularly a day where a lot of people come and they wish each other and tell them that they want to tell him that they love someone so it's like a series of Valentine's Day like it started off. I as a child. I used to think that Valentine's Day is just one. But then as the week opened by it just started off as there is a schist a there's proposed a there's chocolate day. There's Hug Day. There's so many days. But what is so special about this Valentine's Day for me today? This Valentine's Day. I'm going to dedicate it to me. So I'm going to ask myself. Will you be my Valentine? I'm going to look at the mirror and ask myself whether will you be my valentine. so it's very important that You start loving yourself. So what about it that I want to share is that? It's it's very difficult, you know to love yourself because this all sometimes when you see yourself in the mirror, all you see is just flaws. That's what happens with me me being a survivor of depression and anxiety and I have bipolar disorder. So I find myself very difficult to go and see myself and say that oh my gods and guitar you love yourself. You are a great person. I find that very difficult because I see a lot of mistakes and a lot of flaws in myself. So what about it that I'm going to change this Valentine's Day? See Feb 14th is a special day for a lot of people. So today I'm wearing red today. I'm I decided that when I woke up in the morning that I will bed read. I'll feel special even though I don't have anyone special in my life. That special person will be me. So what about me? Why am I calling myself special? I am 25 years old. I will turn 26 in June. I mean I'm growing old really fast as it is or just flying I was diagnosed for bipolar when I was 19 or 20 in 2014 and I was on medication and therapy and mental health became one of the many one of the many important reasons in my life mental health became an important thing that I started realizing and it became a format like I didn't know there such thing as a mental illness or there was something called as a woman. Health-related thing or anything of that sort. It was just a it was just something like a child going to school for the first day not knowing how to read or write. So I decided that I'm not going to make that my weakness. I'm gonna make it my strength. What happened to me? What is this mental illness? What? Is it? All what what does all about it? See mental illness is something which someone has which is not a physical ailment and the worst part about having a mental illness is that you don't have a blood report telling you that you have a mental illness. Mostly, it's about depression. Depression is something which you feel very low about yourself. You don't want to get out of bed. Everything seems negative around you and I have been there. I have I have like, you know gone about it. I have like, you know undergone so much. They're not Hello difficult to talk about because I Been there. I have done that and I want to know I want to share my story with you so that you get an idea as to what is happening around. What is depression exactly? So going back to mental health see this is the first time I'm calling I'm getting calls and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. So, please bear with me when I get all stammering at in between. See there are people requesting to join the call and I'm trying to only one live audience are allowed at a time is what it's saying. I don't know what it's supposed to do requested on the column. That's the tick mark. Not allowing people to let me draw. Anyways, let me continue. So okay Sangeeta. How are you? I'm listening you and maybe I'm connected with you. It's like, you know, so sad is very are you why am I like this? Why am I like that and people don't understand a lot of people take it for granted. Head and say that it just get over it. How long will it cry about it? And I know someone says it sucks to be single. I totally get what you're saying. It sucks to be single, but sometimes even when you're in a relationship, it sucks because you can feel lonely in a relationship. And guess what? I just had a breakup. I just had a breakup of on 25th and it totally sucks like just yesterday. I was crying my eyes out and I was supposed to like, you know, go to bed. You know, I was like trying to sleep with a literally I was just literally crying my eyes out thinking that why did he leave me? What mistake did I make that he had to leave me? What did I do wrong? But we have to just you know accepted and not make it your fault. Yeah. I did make a few mistakes. I did make a lot of mistakes in the relationship because to be honest. I'm trying to share it with you that I am. I'm not I'm going to share this because I'm a very honest person and I'm very open about it that I took pills when I was in the relationship with him. I took pills and I give him give him a heart attack that in that look I'm not going to I literally tried to kill myself and it was very very difficult for me that I had to go to the doctor and he had to treat me and It wasn't that told on him. I understand but that was the only mistake I made but he could not take it for he took it like really seriously and it was a difficult thing. So I'm trying to get over it but it's like there was a lot invested in my relationship with him, but it was very difficult. Yeah, it was a suicidal thought as someone has mentioned yet. Suicidal Thoughts are a lot like yeah, I'm listening. I can't listen to you. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I'm not here. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm not able to hear you. I can only hear the murmuring noise. So what about it is that let me continue my story you can type out what you want so that I can I'm not able to accept it. Yeah, you're called connected with me, but then I am not able to hear you. Can you please type out what you want in respond to it? It would be really nice of you. So anyways, I was talking about Valentine's Day to me. so I broke up right so I was thinking last year. I was in a relationship with him in March. So when I had the relationship when when I went in had the relationship in March, I was hoping that I will not be alone in. When I went alone in March, I was really hoping that I can have the other relationships. I'll not be alone on Valentine's Day for the first time. I will not be alone on Valentine's Day for the first time. But then again, this Valentine's Day, I'm alone. Hello, good morning. It's hurting. I don't understand why it's such a big deal and everybody is like Valentine's Day Valentine's Day and all that. See I'm getting really distracted. This is what happens to me when I tried to focus and everything because I have bipolar disorder and right now manic so it's kind of like very distracting. I'm not able to focus on what I want to say anyways. I am trying to talk about depression right now because I'm in a phase which is very difficult to handle a manic but I'm also depressed because I'm crying my eyes out every evening thinking about him hoping he was in my life. But what exactly is Mania? Mania is that state of mind, but you are uncontrollably hyper like when you go on drugs or when you go on alcohol or when you take any sort of some sort of excitement like an adrenaline rush when you go bungee jumping how excited you would be. So it's about that. It's that excitement you get when you when you get into like, you know that excitement so when you get into that excitement you tend to Going to depression like that is Mania that is basically make out. Okay. Yeah, so basically that is Mania Okay, can everybody hear me? I'm okay. I'm going to be proper now. Okay, so sorry about the random talking. So that was Mania for me and that excitement made me really restless. So when he broke up with me, I did not go into depression. I went into a mini estate. I became very restless. I started smoking and I started doing a lot of things and I started getting all going bonkers, you know, I couldn't focus at work, but I'm struggling to I'm to work because my parents have undergone a lot and they don't want to like, you know, I don't want to hurt them. So I'm trying to struggle and come to work and it's very difficult. So I started smoking a lot. Okay, and I'm trying to control it, but it's not very helpful, but it's very it's very distracting. So what about how do I deal with this Valentine's Day this mania this depression and all these people going around couples everywhere Vision everybody Valentine's is so when I go on Instagram there is coupling. So happy Valentine's Day to you. Oh, happy Valentine's Day do Happy Valentine's Day. This is my Valentine and I'm like sitting and I'm thinking whom do I post? Whom do I tag? Happy Valentine's Day and Facebook and Instagram is such a crazy thing that when you don't have someone when you go keeps crawling down it's so Difficult when you have questions, please do type it out. I will answer it. Okay. Thank you so much. Mr. Warren a the long road. Okay. Sorry. Anyways, I it's very difficult when you go to Instagram and see all the couples and they are all over the place and there is singing dates and everything. So last year and all when I was alone. I used to send Happy Valentine's Day to my friends. but now I don't even have the energy to open my chats and see send Happy Valentine's Day to my friends because it is so depressing it is so depressing so I have decided that I will like you know. Go on a love myself spring. Hello mother. I'm so sorry. I'm not able to hear anyone who's trying to call. Let me just figure it out or can I just can I just end this topic? I will talk about this till thing and I will talk I will like, you know, figure it out and my next topic I'll To talk to all of you what this day brings to you this time basically brings me a lot of sadness initially, but then now I'm really trying to focus and talk about it. And that's why I came online for the first time because I want to talk about it and tell you all that today is the day you're going to start loving yourself. Valentine's Day is a day about love. I'm gonna love myself. I'm gonna love you. You are gonna love yourself. You can start any you can start any topic you want you can just text it right now there you can type it right so you can talk about it. I will answer your questions and see I am going to share my story sometime in the coming days, but I have a long story and today's black day for alcohol. Yeah, let it be a black day or a blue day or a while. It doesn't matter you can have. You don't need to surrender yourself to alcohol or any other sort of comfort which you want which you can have a you can have a comfort or anything of that sort because at the end of the day, you have to love yourself see it doesn't matter. Okay, you will try to distract yourself through every man every means possible. You can go to a movie you can go out and get stuck in traffic or whatever or go out to. Beach but at the end of the day when you go home and hit your bed when you go hit the pillow what thoughts come to you that matters because others all means are forms of X. They are all forms of distractions. You need to understand very importantly that you are very mindful. When you do whatever you're doing, even though they are distractions. If you're mindful about what you're doing, whether you're concentrating whether you're aware about it, then it makes a lot of sense so that when you go to bed, you don't have to like, you know, like be all sad and oh, thank you. I'm amazing. It kind of made my day and you don't have to Sad or depressed or anything of that sort and it's very different. I know it's very difficult. Okay, because I've been there. I'm in a very confused at right now and I thought I'd just opened up might help me and this is kind of helping me talking about it and people are listening. And about what I want to say is Valentine's Day. Don't take it seriously too hot, even if you're single or even if you have someone at the end of the day you have to love yourself so I go for therapy and I told my therapist my boyfriend broke up with me. So what happened is he told me if you were in a relationship with him regarding all the things what happened? You would end up feeling lonely, even though you have someone. Do you get what I'm saying? Even if you have someone you will end up feeling lonely. So what's the point having someone? It's very in. Yeah, I'm tarek speaker. Thank you. So it's very important that you love yourself first. I'm finding it very difficult. Basically. I'm fat. Okay, I have Labs all over and I am very I'm very self-conscious. And for the first time I started putting DP on my WhatsApp. It was very difficult for me. Okay, initially. I never used to put a DP on WhatsApp because I was very insecure about what people would think of me. So I started putting the Beyond what's up for the first time? I have put a DP C. I am not I don't know how this works. This is my first open talk. I'm so sorry. I will talk to the co-founder who approached me regarding this and my next talk. I will definitely be able to talk to all of you. Okay? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So thank you. I'm so sorry about the technical issues. I'm right now in office. I'm hiding in a secret cabin here and I'm talking to all of you. I'm secretly talking to all of you in the cabin here. So don't tell my manager anyways. And what I'm trying to tell you is that just love yourself today is a tough day for a lot of people. Including me because I miss my boyfriend and I just want you to remember that you have to love yourself first. I know it's very hard. Okay, I've been there. I am there right now. It's very very difficult. But no, you can just think of one good thing what you did like, for example every day when I come to work. I see a dog And I just I don't know I Feel Complete when I see that dog. It's a dog which doesn't know even exist. But for me the dog is my world every day when I go in the morning, so I feel good. I feel good when I see that dog. So I miss him and I don't see her but it's kind of a nice feeling when I see her. So do one thing which is good anything it need not be something great. You need not be a tedx speaker. You need not be the CEO of a company. You need not do anything for me. What I did yesterday was I there are people walking down and there are three children babies almost 3-4 years old I buy them chocolates, so I buy them chocolates, and when I get them chocolates, they feel amazing. They'll be like, thank you. Okay. Thank you again, and they get all excited every time they see me so that small happiness makes you who you are. So I'm signing out because my manager is secretly calling me and I will definitely get back to all of you. I will reply to all of your messages and thank you so much for You know listening to me and for all your comments was very nice. I will figure out this calling thing and I will definitely my next talk will be proper. You can all talk to me and connect with me. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Happy Valentine's Day to you. Happy Valentine's Day to me W all take care.